Today was the day. It had been ten months since my last visit. The heat of the day would only make it harder. Always harder when hotter, at least that's what they kept telling me. My gear was packed and I was ready to venture outside. The summer heat showed no mercy as I opened my truck door. A thin line of dust covered my dash, seemingly melted into place and as innocent as fallen snow. My first act was to crank up the AC, then dive for cover as the explosion of dust from the unused vents covered the exact spot I would have been. Another crisis averted for the moment. The heat eventually gave way to pulses of cool air breezing past my face and feet. Ahhhh, one of life's little pleasures for sure. The seat hugged my body as if it had known all along that I would need the correct mixture of incline and distance. Familiarity took over; I smiled and let myself release some stress with long breaths. Maybe today would turn out OK after all.
The drive was pleasant. The motion of life I had left behind was twice as fast as I had remembered. So many people...so many places to go...seemingly so little time. I eventually found a break in the traffic and accelerated to the appropriate speed. Things zipped by so fast; signs, cars, fences, faces. I was on some kind of rollercoaster ride, everything flashed into and out of focus as if it was never really there; like I had simply imagined it. Once I felt comfortable with the racing stream of cars I dared to look down at the speedometer; life was blazing by at a head-spinning 45 miles per hour. I smiled at my self-imposed fears and began to enjoy the scenery as I drove. I had forgotten this world actually existed. Life pre-PH; where people were always in a hurry. Things had to get done, and they had to get done fast.
I arrived at my destination wondering what news the check-up would give. I had the same doubts that plagued my mind every visit. Had I waited too long for the check-up? Would there be some problem they could have fixed if only they had caught it in time? Why did I always procrastinate? Why did I always dread the necessary? Should I have brought my wife in case I heard the worst and needed support? Time would give the answers I guess.
The wait wasn't terribly long. "Mr. Martin"? The scowl on the attendants face didn't fortell good news. "Yes", I responded. An eternity passed as the attendant looked at the computer screen and typed furiously and then again as if he had not gotten the correct answer he was looking for. "It seems....everything checked out". I visibly relaxed at the news. "Will this be debit or credit?", he asked. "Debit please", I responded. Life would go on it seems.
A multitude of thoughts crossed my mind on the way home, not the least of which was why they quit putting inspection stickers on windshields after a state inspection. Perhaps it's so you'll alway worry about whether you've waited too long for your check-up. I guess I'll never know.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Time to catch you guys up.
Life in these parts has been a real ho-hum time. A lot of nothing going on. Had my echo - no change. Took my dose of 6MW - scored a 474! The doc was pretty happy to see that, so happy in fact he doubled my Revatio...huh? Seems he wants to see just how much better he can get me, kinda like he's building the Six Million Dollar Man (in pharmacy costs - chuckle). The additional Revatio has me feeling pretty good but I'm gettin a stuffy nose again. Hopefully that will pass as my body adapts to the new dose. I know, as side effects go I have it made compared to most others.
You know a part of this whole gig that I underestimated was depression. It's not like I lay in bed crying or anything (like I used to) but the extreme loneliness of being home by myself all day while Gail is workin is pretty craptastic to say the least. Sometimes I can fool it by reading a book or watching a movie but that's no substitute from the social time I used to get from co-workers, golf buddies, and guys night out. The thing is, going out takes so much effort that I'm exhausted by the time I get anywhere. Some days I envision cleaning a room and actually get as far as the first item - ha. Well at least I have Oreo to keep me company.
Well that's it for me. Same ole, same ole. I hope you guys are doing well. As for me, I need to buckle down & start taxes...yippee!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Hi fellow PH'rs,
I know I've been slackadaisical (don't spell check that :-) since the holidays and I don't really have a good excuse. I've kinda felt like that ornamental piece sitting in your den. What's it for? I don't know. What's it do? Nothing much. Why'd you buy it? Because I likey the knick-knacks. Well you get the idea; I'm just here. February looks to be an interesting month. I have an echo on Wednesday and a 6MW the following week. Nothing has changed functionally but I gather that the King's looking for some reason to get me on the inhaler. I know that is cake compared to what most of you are going through but it's an extra co-pay for me & does require a tad more maintenance. His intentions are good; he wants to get me a bit more functional. Like TW & his remodulin, I fought it off last time. I'm not goin to lose any sleep on it this time though. What will be will be.
I need to get my butt in chat to give the newbies the same support I got when I met you guys...but I'll probably just turn it into a jokefest. I can't seem to take things so seriously. It's like there is a smile in everything I see; life is funny, people are funny. If it doesn't make you cry then it should make you laugh kinda attitude. Life can also be suffering and once you realize that then you understand that all the worrying is well...funny. A movie quote I just love from The 13th Warrior: " Fear profits a man nothing". And so it is with me. I used to be the worry-type; everything had to be perfect. If it wasn't, then there was another cup of stress to go with my morning yogurt. Now-a-days...it's more like a cup of oh that's nice, followed by comical sarcasm.
It's tax time. That's going to be loads of fun. Sick pay, SSD benefits, work disability, stimulus check, 401K, do I file jointly as per norm or figure out if we can save by me filing separately. Fun...lots of it.
Family is doing well. Oreo is as spoiled as ever. Gail is doing well; she has a decent set of kids this year (teacher). I wish I could do more around the house to help her out. I kind of feel like Fred Sanford while Lamont does all the work.
So of all the foods to get a recall: peanut butter? Are you serious? That's a staple in my diet. No one ever had an urge for a banana and jelly sandwich.
I've been reading some really good books, going through the stack I got for Christmas. I like to write but I love to read.
Weird event: Last three times I've been to the pharmacist, three different people greeted me by name. I must really be a regular. That's nice (see above).
Well, I've checked my calendar today and I've got some sleep and slack to get done. You guys take care. You can always reach me at email@example.com if you ever feel the need to fratenize. Give me a day or three to get back to you; I'm a very busy man.
Thanks for reading & I hope you all are feeling great :-)