What Really Mighta Happened at Plymouth Rock

 "Land ahoy!" cried the lookout in the crow's nest of the constricted blood vessel.  The boat's passengers began to strain their eyes for sight of their salvation.  Pillgremlins, they were called.  They had sailed all the way across the ocean in hopes of escaping their constrictive oppressors.  The journey had been long and weary; the vessel had taken on some water retention so many of the Pillgremlins had become bloated and therefore welcomed the sight of dry land, an outhouse, or even a tree.  

"Launch the life boats my sick mates" yelled the captain.  The crew wasted no time in lowering the boats for the Pillgremlins.  Reaching shore, the captain pronounced "I shall name this place Chevy Hard Rock Cafe." 

"Doesn't that sound a bit commercial captain?" asked one of the Pillgremlins.  "I'm kind of partial to Plymouths."

"Yes, perhaps it does.  Plymouth Rock it shall be then.  Now someone gather firewood, my blood thinner is making me shiver."

And so the Pillgremlins began settling in, some gathering firewood while others made shelters.  Autumn had begun to take the land, leaves changed their colors and fell to the ground.  

"What shall we do for food captain?" asked the cook. 

 "Well normally I just ask the wife to make something but since she didn't make the trip, I'll send out four hunters." 

Three days later on the brink of starvation, the hunters returned.  "What did you find?" asked the captain.  The first hunter replied "Foul."  

"Fowl, excellent!" exclaimed the captain. 

"No, foul as in f-o-u-l.  I found this vegetable that looks like corn, but it's all black and red.  Well beggars can't be choosers.  I suppose we could have some maize-on-the-cob." 

 "And what did you find?" asked the captain of the second hunter.  

"I found leafy greens." replied the second.  

"Bah!" cried the captain.  "You know we can't have those in abundance.  I don't want to increase my coumadin dose.  What of the third hunter then?"

"I found a fruitcake captain!" proclaimed the third hunter.  "But it tastes kind of old."

The captain plants his face in his palm.  "Are we destined to starve? Save the fruitcake until Christmas; it might be better by then."

"All is not lost captain." stated the fourth hunter.  "For I have found a turducken!"

"Rejoice!" yelled the captain.  "You have done very well hunter.  How did you come by such a tasty feast?"

"Twas the natives sir.  They have invited us to their fall festival."

"Excellent." cried the captain.  "Let us meet our gracious hosts."

The Pillgremlins journeyed to the camp of the natives and it was there that they met their leader.

"Greetings, my name is Squanto and this is my blood lab technician Pokeehauntus.  You must be the Lone Rangers?"

"I am Agent Smith, agent John Smith." replied the captain.  "We thank you for your hospitality in our time of need.  I was beginning to think I'd have to eat the fruitcake."

So the natives and the Pillgremlins went on to survive together for many centuries thereafter.  And that's what really mighta happened at Plymouth Rock.